Tinnitus Tirade

Yes, I know that others have far heavier life burdens - but this is mine, and the past week it's almost taken me to the ground.

In late 2011 the head began experienced tinnitis (ringing in the ears) all day every day. Pulsatile (every heart beat) and the regular kinds - "sounds" that can vary from dentist's drills to "whoom whoom" to constant loud "thunder." Many "big" tests - not even tiny answers. Scientists think they know why this happens, and it happens to MANY MANY people in various degrees of "loudness," but for now there are no answers or real cures. We just go dinging through our days.

I try to keep mine to a standable (Yes, I know this isn't a real word) level most of the time by attention to diet, exercize, and TRYING to keep stress level down. Air pressure can also be a factor. And I take one small prescribed pill each morning - and on rare days I take two. I do not like taking two a day - but sanity has it's cost. And radio headphones are boon companions... As are a variety of sound distractions from the You Tube. Waves to Tibetan ringing bowls.

Anyway...., life usually manages to go along at a level that I don't constantly go around bitching. And I haven't cried about this is well over two years. (Used to allow one serious cry a month.) But the past four days. - well... for some reason the "sound" is most often at "8 of 10." "Hearing" this non-existant "ever sound" is wearing brain and spirit out. But there is much to be done! And I would like to do it in Sue Style  - upbeat, enthusiastically, sense of humor, yadda yadda yadda. Sigh. Get up. Get moving. Get along, little doggie.

Took a pill about half an hour a go so am expecting level of "sound" to be down a few pegs for maybe an hour or two. One appreciates any lowering of the level.

Yes, brain is thinking of you everyday heroes who go on through your days bearing your bundles of crappy life stuff and yet live your kind smiling helpful lives. I use you as meditation motivation. I think of Helen Keller. I think of FDR. Certain sports people. The No excuses people who surround us every day. A goal is to be one of those for others. I do not know how our heroes handle their bad days. You know how you handle yours.

Enough pissy moany. We are lucky enough to be breathing in another day. We've almost made it through October. On to November and it's Challenges. Parts of our family know it's always The Best Year Ever! Time for tea, toast,  and the "sounds" and sights of the day. One Christmas cactus is starting to bud! The bluebirds versus the grey squirrels has been very entertaining so far this fall feeding season.

Thanks for putting up with the bitching. I will try keeping it to a minimum. I envy you your ability to consume the season's candy intake. LOL. At least a little! Ever onward. Back to dealing with  bears.

Fare-thee-well,
Sue

Cheating/Catching Up - 3

This will be read in reverse order - so this will be Post Three today, though it will be the first typed. Just do a "Star Wars" thing in your brain.

What's on mind? Mostly a serious constant blast of tinnitus "HHHHHIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSS." Perhaps brought on by salty delicious Mexican meal last night, along with a shot of Jamison whiskey? Sigh. One is always gambling with the constant not-real "sound" vs some short-term real enjoyment. I was fine last evening. Minor usual steam/high tension wire "sound." But today it laid me low. Hard to get thoughts through a wall of solid "sound felting."

On these harder days I  channel personal heroes - folks I know have survived far worse, and done more.

Some are friends and relatives. Some are people I have read about or listened to. Many are living. Some are not. The point is to NOT FOCUS on the crap in one's head, but instead look outward and/or inward to beauty, music, and helpful words, and hope for a better day or hour or few minutes. Think them and they will come. Whew.

We all have our ways of dealing with our days....

And now I must get on to typing Parts 2 and 1. Thinking like a woodblock artist! Last is first. First is last.

Fare-thee-well,

Sue